Hi everyone, and welcome back to the blog! On November 6th, I turned the big 18. As most people agree, growing up is hard. Adolescence, although difficult at times, is a vital era in ones life. So now that I am an official adult, I want to share with you 18 things I've learned in my 18 years on this planet. This one is going to be a long one, so grab a snack, a cold drink, and hang out with me for a while.
1. Blood doesn't make family.
Fear not, a sad story about abandonment is not where I'm going with this. Rather, my experience with adoption and being taken under one's wing. Like many others, much of my family on both sides have gone to be with the Lord, many prior to my birth. Though this is unfortunate, I don't feel some gaping void in my heart, and whatever emptiness I had felt has left me in recent years. This is because of my adopted family, official and unofficial. As many of you know, I was adopted as a grandchild to my grandparents at birth. This resulted in not only their presence, but the presence of their entire family, extended family, and friends. The way I have been treated, and consistently treated throughout my life has been nothing less of a dream come true. I also feel this way toward the friends of family who have stepped up to be extra aunts, uncles, and cousins. I am closer with these people than a large portion of my biological family, and I am okay with that.
2. You can come back from anything.
Life can be hard sometimes, to say the least. I believe everyone experiences some kind of emotional pain at least once in their life. Everyone experiences life differently, and perceives pain in different ways. Some people will find that they have similar stories to one another, while others will be wildly different. Although, regardless of origin, emotional pain can place us all in the same boat. A violently rocking, leaking, seasickness inducing boat. Though I think there is some truth to it, I won't leave you with "it happened for a reason!", because that also made me want to punch someone in the throat. However, you can overcome, heal, and use what you learned to your advantage. There is always a way out,. There is always time for a fresh start. No matter what your situation is, you can always come back from it.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Drug Abuse Hotline: 866-775-7670
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
3. Body standards are stupid.
I'm sorry, (not really) but I have absolutely outgrown the thought that any particular body type is favored by the world, and you should too. Never again will I yearn for the approval of my physical appearance from anyone other myself. I spent my adolescence, the most impressionable time on a young girl, eating away at my mental health over my body. The worst part is, that is what we are taught to do. I developed some serious body image issues over this unacceptable feature in world culture, and I'm sure many of you, of any gender, did too. Once you've fallen under this impression, change is like an itch you just have to scratch. It is so difficult to break the habit of harsh judgment and comparison, but I promise it can be done. I do not look like what I have been told I should look like throughout my entire life, but I'm fine with that. I won't be caught dead dieting unhealthily, buying weight loss products, tanning products, or items that make me appear taller ever again. I have actually grown to enjoy what I look like naturally. It is to freeing to pursue self love, and I encourage you to do it too.
4. "Basic" isn't a real thing.
I'm sure me, you, and the next guy have all been called "basic" at least once. Most likely for liking, wearing, or doing something that is fairly popular. Here's the issue I have with that statement, I really don't think anyone's likes are basic. Humans are such intricate creatures, that there really is no room for someone to be basic. If you think about it, for someone to be deemed basic, their likes and interests have to be very common. But if those likes and interests weren't popular, but the person still had these same likes and interests, they would no longer be able to be deemed basic. So really, it has nothing to do with the person at all. Rather your likes and interests are popular or not, they are still yours and you would have them regardless. So I say, do your thing. Go play your top 40 playlist, go get that pumpkin spice latte, go do you and don't let anyone get you down.
5. It's okay to be different.
This one kind of pairs with the last one, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. Again, humans are like snowflakes, no two are exactly the same. Just like its okay to like common things, its okay to like uncommon things. Our likes, interests, and traits are what makes us individuals. There are endless types of people in the world, and there should be no shame in embracing the type of person you are. This goes for fashion, hobbies, work, whatever it may be. As long as you're not hurting anyone, there is nothing wrong with you.
6. People change, and that's okay.
Sometimes the people in you life change. They become less familiar, and not who you used to know. This can be a good thing, and this can be a painful thing. Either way, it's okay. Believe me, growing apart from someone you love is one of the hardest things a person can go through. Watching a change take place within someone you care for can be absolutely taunting, especially when this change results in a breakup, or falling off. It's hard to find comfort in this time, because the mind becomes a whirlwind as you try to comprehend what has happened. Sometimes the change is slow, sometimes it is abrupt, though I can't say that one is better than the other. What I can say, is the falling off is the best thing for you. It feels like the end of the world, and perhaps it is as you know it. Though this is a rebirth you need, as trying to make two people who don't go together is just as painful as the falling off. It doesn't make one of you a bad or worse person than the other, you have just grown to be incompatible, and it's okay to let that go. Take what you have gained from the bond and carry it on to the next one.
7. Your self worth is immeasurable.
No matter who you are, you have more value than you'll ever realize. You don't see how you impact people. You don't see how people think of you and speak of you. The ripples you cause in the world turn into waves, and those waves crash onto the beaches of those who need them. God sees all you do, those around you feel what you do. You make such a big difference everyday you wake up. No matter what, someone loves you, someone needs you, and someone is glad you are here.
8. You can turn pain into pleasure.
Not to say that hardships will always seem worth it, but I fully believe you can find at least one thing you learned from that time and use it to your advantage. Maybe its new insight, or new strength. Maybe its experience that you can use to help yourself and others in the future. Rock bottom teaches you things that mountain tops never will.
9. There are some foods you'll just never "grow into".
Avocados still taste like dish soap, sushi still smells like Sea World, and spice still makes me cry.
10. Travel is the best way to learn.
I have always felt so blessed when given the opportunity to travel. Travel is such an amazing way to grow, learn, and experience. Seeing the country has made me broaden my horizons, which in turn has made me a happier person. There is so much to be gained by even just having a conversation with those from different walks of life. I also want to point out that you don't have to live luxuriously to travel. You do not need to go far and spend a large amount of money to get these experiences. You will be amazed by what you can find hiding in your own state. Pack a cooler of drinks, snacks, your camera, and just cruise.
11. Dress however you want.
Although some people will find any reason to critique, I really encourage you to express your true style. Wear what excites you, what inspires you. There are so many types of fashion out there, I promise there are others with your taste, even if they're not in your area. Don't compress yourself into all the popular trends if that isn't what your heart desires. Break all the fashion rules, and wear what you like, how you like. In retrospect, the fashion trends won't matter 10 years from now. We all end up looking back and questioning our wardrobe choices, so you might as well not wait to wear what you like!
12. Its okay to try new things, and its okay not to.
I will always prompt you to try new things, to help you grow and find yourself. Though what I didn't hear enough when I needed it, and still don't, is that its okay not to try certain new things. Growing up with anxiety among other things, the pressure to perform certain tasks has become overwhelming. It is always expected of young people to do certain things a certain way, and most people never consider another option. I want to tell you that there are other options, and it is perfectly okay to take them. I am 18, and I do not drive, and that's okay. I don't have a conventional job, and that's okay. I did not have a conventional school experience, and that's okay. You do not have to do what is expected of you, do what is good for you.
13. Gender rolls are out of style, and that's great news.
Congratulations everyone, we did it. The world is progressing into a happier, more functional attitude toward gender and what rolls they play. I am so thankful that we have made it to this point, especially as I go into adulthood. I want to reiterate that your gender has nothing to do with the role you play in your home. I have been so blessed to grow up around powerful women, and to observe them doing great things. I want you to know that I fully support and encourage whatever system it is that works for your home. Anyone who still believes that women need to stay in the home, and men need to go work a 9 to 5, really needs to get with it. If that's what works for you, that's great! If not, that's great too. Apply for that job, start that business, make that move. Find whatever it is that makes your world go 'round smoothly, and roll with it!
14. You do not have to respect those who don't respect you.
I know we have all grown up hearing "respect your elders", and typically, that is a great thing to do. I have so much love for the elders in my life, and there is always something to be learned from them. However, you are never entitled to pay respect to those who don't do the same for you, even if they are your elder. You are a person of value, worthy of respect. Don't let someone treat you poorly, because they believe they have a free pass. They don't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging you to beat up the elderly, but you sure don't have to sit back and take the abuse. It is okay to be the bigger person, and walk away. You don't owe these people. This also goes for those of you who are well into adulthood, and are still being put down by those who believe they are superior. They're not, you matter!
15. Pyramid schemes rarely work out for people.
This doesn't apply as much to well known companies such as Avon or Mary Kay, but I still encourage you to stay leery of other brands with the same algorithm. I really hate to be the one to tell you, but very rarely does anyone make back the money they invest in the company they market for. I personally have never been apart of one of these organizations, but I have plenty to observe on my Facebook timeline. I love my distant cousins and dear friends from high school, but I really don't want a seaweed wrap or $20 lip gloss that burns.
16. There are friends out there for you.
I struggled for a long time, feeling like I didn't have many friends. I had a lot of acquaintances, but no close friends to spend my time with. I had a couple friends that have been consistent throughout my life, but of course as we got older, they became busy. I over time became used to this, and truly believed that it was normal to be so alone. I didn't realize what a rut I was in until I met the friends that I have now. I never thought I could be so blessed to have friends like this. My friend group provides me with endless love, protection, and help. Here is what they have taught me. The people in your life who truly care about you, can and will make time for you. Your true friends will never be too busy to see you. Your true friends will never hesitate to include you. Your true friends will always do what they can to help you. It is a hard pill to swallow when you realize that you don't have the right kinds of friends, but I promise, say a prayer and they will find you.
17. Good people are everywhere.
I have been a lot of places, some good and some not so much. Though in the hard times, or even just inconvenient times, I have stumbled upon the most refreshing people. During our car accident, strangers pretended they saw nothing, but others put their lives on hold to help. On multiple occasions, hospital staff have given emotional relief to get through the physical pain. There are people who pay compliments, and do good deeds just because they can. Those people are everywhere, and they can be found if you just look.
18. God is real.
I was raised Christian from birth. I never had a particular doubt in Christ, but I know that I had to go through my own rebirth to fully understand him and his glory. I suppose I began to doubt in the back of my mind, as times grew harder. I wouldn't say I doubted his existence, but I didn't feel like I had his presence. I went through a traumatic, and near death experience in 2016. The Lord single-handedly saved my life. I was experiencing a life threatening issue, alone in a hospital hours from home. I begged God for mercy, for forgiveness, and for help. My health was stabilized late that night and issued to go home the next day. The staff had never seen anything like it, but I had no doubt what had happened. I have been building my relationship with God ever since, and it has been the highlight of my life.
Thank you all so much for reading, and I really hope you enjoyed. I know this is something a bit different, but I'm hoping that this can help someone who is also coming up on adulthood and would like to reflect on their life so far. I know it was great for me. I couldn't have made it this far without every single member of my friends, family, and readers. Thank you.
With love,
Jennie
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